We have learned to make most of the things, or rather feelings, in our lives conditional, whether we have noticed it or not.
Most of all, we have made the two most beautiful feelings, happiness, and love conditional as well and what we don’t notice is that the condition always has to do with “I will be happy when”. We condition everything on the feeling of being in control, for some reason we believe that being in control is the only way to be happy.
People get very frustrated when they feel like they are losing control over certain things, whether it is their job, surrounding or even relationships.
What we do not realize in all of this is that there is a difference between what you can and cannot control, which is the key factor in everything.
Things we cannot control are how people behave, what they want, and how they feel. No matter how hard we try we just cannot control it. We can do everything “right” by the book, giving our maximum effort into it and still not get the desired feedback or result.
But, the result is not something that can be controlled, just like people’s feelings, a person can only influence their own feelings and choose what they will walk away with from any conversation people have with them.
However, if we do not realize that these are things that we cannot control we will continue to experience false expectations which in turn will result in despair.
On the contrary, though
, things that we can control is ourselves, and ourselves only. We can control what we choose to say, what we choose to do, what we choose to see in the world among many other things. If a situation does not have the result we were hoping for, we cannot change that, but we can change the way we react to it.
If a person did something we never expected, which was negatively surprising, we still cannot control it and change it, but what we can change is our reaction to it.
We can learn how to control what we choose to do not what someone else does.
We can learn to set up expectations that will solely depend on us.
It is a liberating feeling when people learn what they can and cannot control because in that way nothing can surprise us or disappoint us because we will learn that we cannot control anything that’s not us, and no one else can.
Whether it is at work, in a romantic relationship or friendship we cannot control anyone else, we can’t control what they do or how they feel.
But, we can control how we react, what we do, and how we feel, which is all we need.
Set yourself free!
Author: Sofija S. @bossesinthemaking